You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
