i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
