He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
