i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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