Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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