It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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