I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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