I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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