He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
