There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
