just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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