I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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