Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
