i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
