I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize