My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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