I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
