Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize