On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
