Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
