so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
