Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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