I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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