ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
