yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
