The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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