Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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