For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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