The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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