The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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