The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wish i was in the wii world.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
