just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
