Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
