Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
They took my balls.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
