Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
