So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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