nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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