i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
