Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
