Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
