I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
