You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
