Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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