Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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