his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
