my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
