why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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