do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize