when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
