HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize