Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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