I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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