I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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