I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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