Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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