How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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