dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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