my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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