I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
