Got a toothbrush?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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