how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
