So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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