doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
