At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
