Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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