If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
only if we run a train.
done.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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