Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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