I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize