you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she was so not down for the gang bang
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
