Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
