sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
This is my gift to your gina
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
