i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
