having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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