dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
