My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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