Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
