I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
