he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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