I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
