haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
it glows. i had to have it.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
