I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Come on in and take your pants off
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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