I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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