Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
