Don't make out with my wife yet
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
