Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
