Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
