i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
