Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
