your parents love me but you hate me
Just cropdusted the office
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
