Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
