That's intense
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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