the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
